I have been going through a new season of dealing with issues that have never been looked at or dealt with in a healthy way. Here's a little back ground with some disclosure or personal things. I've been on staff with a church in Colorado Springs for about 8 months now and about 2 months ago the lead Pastor noticed that I wasn't myself (his words). He said I was seeming like something was wrong. I agreed with him and we chatted for a couple hours and made some decisions about me and taking a sabbatical. Since I have been doing ministry for about 8 years without a break, for even while a student at Nyack college I was working as a young adult pastor, RA and started a student lead ministry on campus. Basically I never stopped going for the past 8 years. I never really had time to rest in God as the psalms say "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalms 40:10). I knew God theologically but never personally in the sense that I could pour out my heart to Him. This has slowly changed over the years but I got in the way and need to get out of Gods way and just show up as my Pastor said this morning.
All this said I had poured out my personal frustrations onto everyone around me, even and mostly those people that cared about me most. In the letter Paul wrote to the Ephesians he says "Let all bitterness.....be put away from you" (4:31). I was allowing all my years of bitterness towards my situations, life and family guide my direction and leading me into a habitual attitude towards people. My bitterness was being shown towards all people which was all because of lack of being content with God's direction for my life. I was struggling with trusting and being accepting of God's plan for me as His beloved child. I was living as though God never changed me, for this desire for more was running my life but not the Spirit of the living God.
Before I go any further I want to share a quote from Henri Nouwen in his book The Inner Voice of Love that I came across today while reading. It says, "You have to weep over your lost pains so that they can gradually leave you and that you can become free to live fully in the new place without melancholy or homesickness". This blog is part of my weeping process. This quote hit me like a ton of bricks, since I have been looking over weeping in a healthy way so that I can move past them into freedom. I love where Galatians 5:1 talks about Christ dying for our freedom and that because of this we should not be bound by the same sin he freed us from; WOW! I new light on a scripture I preached on in homiletics class in college, either that or I forgot; which I'm kinda good at doing.
No matter what the reason, God's word is living and active as is His Spirit. I am going through some things with my mentor that I hope and pray you who read this will join in with me so that I can walk in the freedom that Jesus longs to bring for me. I need to just daily walk by the Spirit and not in the chains that Jesus died to break. I have to say this is my most personal post but one that I needed to post so that I can move past this all. Thank you for your support of my growth in whatever way you help!
All this said I had poured out my personal frustrations onto everyone around me, even and mostly those people that cared about me most. In the letter Paul wrote to the Ephesians he says "Let all bitterness.....be put away from you" (4:31). I was allowing all my years of bitterness towards my situations, life and family guide my direction and leading me into a habitual attitude towards people. My bitterness was being shown towards all people which was all because of lack of being content with God's direction for my life. I was struggling with trusting and being accepting of God's plan for me as His beloved child. I was living as though God never changed me, for this desire for more was running my life but not the Spirit of the living God.
Before I go any further I want to share a quote from Henri Nouwen in his book The Inner Voice of Love that I came across today while reading. It says, "You have to weep over your lost pains so that they can gradually leave you and that you can become free to live fully in the new place without melancholy or homesickness". This blog is part of my weeping process. This quote hit me like a ton of bricks, since I have been looking over weeping in a healthy way so that I can move past them into freedom. I love where Galatians 5:1 talks about Christ dying for our freedom and that because of this we should not be bound by the same sin he freed us from; WOW! I new light on a scripture I preached on in homiletics class in college, either that or I forgot; which I'm kinda good at doing.
No matter what the reason, God's word is living and active as is His Spirit. I am going through some things with my mentor that I hope and pray you who read this will join in with me so that I can walk in the freedom that Jesus longs to bring for me. I need to just daily walk by the Spirit and not in the chains that Jesus died to break. I have to say this is my most personal post but one that I needed to post so that I can move past this all. Thank you for your support of my growth in whatever way you help!
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